welcome to MY
Blog!
When Failure Seems Inevitable:
How to Cope
When You Are a High-Achiever
I’ve Been There
We’ve all faced setbacks that feel impossible to overcome. I remember receiving a poor review that completely knocked the wind out of my sails. Maybe you’ve been there too—missed goals, impossible deadlines, or shifting priorities that make success seem just out of reach. Or perhaps you’re drowning in work with too little time. Whatever the challenge, feeling helpless is all too easy.
I’ve Coached Clients Who Are There
I’ve worked with high-achievers who feel utterly overwhelmed when the threat of failure looms large. Often, these individuals have never faced significant setbacks before, and the mere thought of failing can be downright paralyzing. The pressure to live up to their own high standards—and the expectations of others—can become all-consuming, leaving them unsure of how to cope or move forward. For many, this experience is so unfamiliar that it feels like they’re being overrun, with their confidence and resilience shaken to the core.
FOR HIGH-ACHIEVERS, THE STAKES ARE HIGH
When the pressure mounts, your brain can quickly switch into stress mode. Without resilience, you may feel out of control, resorting to unhelpful habits like catastrophizing, black-and-white thinking, or relying on responses that no longer serve you.
At this critical juncture, you might either dig in and push harder or completely disengage. Both responses can be unhealthy—whether it’s overworking to the point of exhaustion or procrastinating to avoid the situation. Pushing too hard drains your energy, while procrastination only worsens the problem over time. Persisting in these patterns can lead to burnout.
What You Can Do to Handle Setbacks: THE 4 Rs (Relax, Revisit, Reframe and Respond)
1. TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND RELAX
Start by taking deep breaths to release your stress response. Calming your mind allows you to think more clearly and rationally.
2. TUNE INTO YOURSELF: REVIST
What’s upsetting you right now? What are you thinking and feeling? Are you angry, sad, or scared? Remember, emotions are data points. Anger might signal that something important is being threatened or neglected. Sadness can mean you’re mourning a loss or feeling disconnected from something valuable. Fear often indicates uncertainty, a perceived threat to your safety or well-being, or a challenge to something important to you. Understanding these emotions can help you address underlying issues and find constructive solutions.
Finally, remember that only part of you is feeling this way. A bit of perspective goes a long way.
3. REFAME
Remind yourself that you don’t have to stay stuck, but that you have choices with the SIT-UPP framework.
4. RESPOND: using habits from the SIT-UPP Framework of compassionate habits.
S – Subtract Work: (Prioritize the Essentials) Focus on what truly matters and consider saying no to less important tasks.
I – Intrinsic Motivation:
- Focus on Improving and Learning: Embrace feedback and see setbacks as opportunities for realignment.
- Pursue Work You Love: Connect with your purpose to stay motivated or adjust your work to better suit you.
T – Create a Tribe: (Don’t Do It Alone) Seek support and have those difficult conversations when needed, as long as you ask politely.
U – Unconditional Acceptance: (You’re Enough) Be kind to yourself by offering the same compassion you’d give a friend. Self-compassion is a healthier motivator than self-esteem, helping you cope better with setbacks and approach challenges with renewed energy.
P – Pacing: (Recharge with Rest and Play) Replenish your energy and gain a fresh perspective.
P – Positivity: (Celebrate Success) Stay optimistic, even in tough times. Remind yourself, “It will be okay” to maintain hope and determination, using this affirmation as a mental anchor.
TAKING BACK CONTROL: Reflect and Act
Identify one or two actions you can take right now. By taking strategic steps, you regain control and move forward with clarity and confidence.Focus on what’s within your control. Facing challenges with courage isn’t about avoiding difficulties but taking decisive steps, even when it’s hard. Embrace your inner strength, act with confidence, and remember that every small step you take is a testament to your resilience and bravery.
